


i am to see to it that i do not lose you

by Aslee



Category: Scream (TV)
Genre: Audrey is a Good Bro, Bisexual Emma and Audrey, Canon Divergent, Emma needs a hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Female Friendship, Post-Episode AU: s01e04 Aftermath, Pre-Femslash, Rachel Cockblocks From the Afterlife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 22:37:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4455110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aslee/pseuds/Aslee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I was wrong." Emma's voice sounded unfamiliar, even to her own ears. The voice of a scared little girl didn't belong in her mouth; She had faced down killers with more grit. But this was Audrey, and it was terrifying how Emma hadn't realized how much of her heart was still in Audrey's hands.</p><p>or:  Someone is finally there to hold Emma together when she breaks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i am to see to it that i do not lose you

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Walt Whitman's 'To a Stranger', which has somehow become my go-to place for Emma/Audrey feels. 
> 
> This fic was completely written before I watched the latest episode (s1e5, 'Exposed') so this is 'technically' an AU, but I have some plotty ideas for a sequel that could possibly keep it canon compliant. The tags are honestly just a precaution.

They should'nt have been there. Every good girl instinct in Emma was screaming at her to make some half-hearted excuse and scurry home, safe from the bad influence of Audrey's smirk. It was different when Noah was with them- He was always so flashy, a half-dozen screams playing behind his monologues, that it was easy to forget about the long shadows hidden in all the corners. Besides, Noah had a legitimate key to the place and Audrey, no matter how much time she spent slouched on the couch during business hours, wasn't actually on the payroll. 

But Emma was too tired to be a good girl, and there wasn't anywhere else to go. Everywhere held too many memories, and too many people with their leers and their laughter and their pitying glances- Audrey had taken one look at Emma's hands, shaking in the folds of her skirt, and offered to take her away from it all. How was Emma possibly supposed to say no to that? 

Besides, watching Audrey sift through the same stacks of cases over and over again was oddly relaxing, in a way. If Emma let her mind wander a little, let her eyelids droop with all the weariness of the day, it was almost like nothing had ever changed. Like Emma had never let this go. 

The guilt crashed over her in an all-encompassing wave, like it always did, but Emma was so dulled to so much, and all that was left to hurt her was a single stab in her heart and a tiny hitched breath. All that was left was how stupid she had been, how shallow and fickle, and everything else that rough voice on the phone spit at her. Emma watched Audrey flick a little smile at her before turning back to pile, and knew he was right about everything. She had thrown this away, pushed Audrey away like she meant nothing, and for what? 

For him? 

Thinking about Will was a fresher wound, and Emma couldn't help the pinpricks of liquid heat in the corner of her eyes. Blinking against them rapidly, she wrapped her arms around her stomach and tried not to think about how right being with Will felt, before the Break, when she still had Audrey, but Will and Riley, too. 

But the Break had come, Emma torn between Audrey and the bright future just out of her reach, between Will and his easy affection, and the feelings Emma couldn't understand, couldn't get over- Emma's eyes closed against the memory; She couldn't handle a sexuality crisis on top of the murdering stalker and the sex tape. That could wait until she could breathe again, until it didn't feel like a desperate attempt at some form of affection, or a bandaid over the fact that she could feel every trace of his fingers over her skin as she watched it play over and over again on the screen- 

Bile rose in the back of Emma's throat. No, that was definitely something she could think about later. 

"Em?" 

Audrey's voice had Emma pasting on that good girl smile before her eyes were even open, but it' was Audrey's gaze that had it sliding right off. Audrey's eyes were never this intense before, Emma was sure of it. Maybe it was the the eyeliner. Or maybe, Emma thought, it was the betrayal. 

"I-" One of Audrey's eyebrows lifted, expectant, and it was everything Emma could do to not wince away from her. Her jaw worked frantically as her brain scrambled to think up some kind of lie that would shift that gaze away from her. Nothing came to her except an easy dismissal, but somehow- It reminded her too much of her mother. A wave of the hand, a simple word, and that was it, like that was all it took to wipe the slate clean. Emma's stomach tightened. Audrey deserved more than that, after everything. Really, she always had. 

"I was wrong." Emma's voice sounded unfamiliar, even to her own ears. The voice of a scared little girl didn't belong in her mouth; She had faced down killers with more grit. But this was Audrey, and it was terrifying how Emma hadn't realized how much of her heart was still in Audrey's hands. Hands that finally ceased their incessant shuffling, twitching against dusty covers. 

Her face had gone carefully blank, and Emma resisted the urge to curl up on the couch and die before another word could be spoken. She didn't think that Audrey would let her go, anyway, because before she could even let out the shaky breath that was hitching in her throat, Audrey had taken a small step toward her. 

"What?" 

It wasn't so much a question as a request. Audrey had heard the words, and Emma knew it. Maybe it was a little out of context, but months of seperation didn't erase years of history. This wasn't about understanding; It was about reassurance, maybe, or maybe it was just about hope. 

"I was wrong about Will." Emma's eyes closed briefly, steeling herself against the steady throb of emotion making it's way up her throat. "And you. Mostly... mostly you." Audrey's face was still blank when Emma opened her eyes, and she shivered. "Even if Will was the guy I thought he was, it still wasn't- I didn't-" The words wouldn't come. Her whole life she had tried to always know the answers, the right words to say, and it was crumbling apart in Emma's hands, just like everything else. She swallowed, hard. "I miss you, Audrey. So, so much. I- I love Brooke and the rest of my friends. I loved Will. But I... I loved you, too. "

As the panic had risen in Emma's voice, Audrey's face had grown less and less composed. Emma couldn't tell it was confusion or some foreign form of sorrow that caused the deep wrinkle in Audrey's brow, but, somehow, it didn't matter. She just had to get the words out, before they settled back into that hollow pit in her chest. 

Audrey beat her to the punch. "Emma, you don't have to do this right now." Her voice, at least, was gentle, but Emma still shook her head, too desperate to even choke the word out. 

"You have to know, Audrey, you have to- If something happens to you, or if he finally gets tired of playing with me-" 

"Don't say that. You're going to be fine, Em-"

"Audrey." Audrey hesitated at her name, broken in Emma's throat. Emma's eyes darted away, staring unfocused at another shadowy corner. "Please. I know we can never go back to... to being 'Emma-and-Audrey' again, but you have to know, that I'm sorry. For everything. And I love you. You're still my best friend in the entire world, and I don't know what I would do if he- if you..." 

"That's not going to happen, Em. We're gonna find this asshole, and we're gonna take him down- you, me, and Noah. Everything's going to be okay." The air was heavy and still, the weight of the calm before the storm pressing against the girls' skin. Audrey took the last few steps until she was standing between Emma's knees, so close Emma could smell the dust on her skin.

Audrey's hand settled into the crook of Emma's arm, a gesture so familiar that Emma's stomach quivered. Her thumb stroked against Emma's skin, and it was like curling up in a favourite blanket that had been forgotten in the back of someone else's closet- The entire world rearranged itself around the bittersweet prick of it in her veins, and Emma didn't even bother to stop the tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. 

She was still allowed to cry in front of her best friend, wasn't she? 

"I miss you," Emma said. The edge of a whimper sharpened her voice as the first tear spilled over her eyelashes. "I miss having someone I know I can trust, and I miss someone being there when I reach for them, and I miss-" Emma's jaw clenched around the words. "I can't even stand to let Will touch me anymore. My friends are either dead or lying to me, and I don't even have memories of them, because some psychopathic asshole is determined to show me that every single moment of my life has been a lie. And... I sit down at the end of the day and all I can think about is how much I miss you." 

On any other day, Emma would have cared more about how selfish she sounded. She would have curbed herself a little, tried to make Audrey see her as reasonable, not desperate. But she was selfish, and Emma had long since passed the point of lying to herself. She needed her friend back, no matter how ridiculous it was to expect Audrey to forgive her simply because Emma had nowhere else to turn. There was a pit in her stomach, full of nothing but longing, and it didn't care about reasonable arguments or selfless sacrifice. 

"Emma." Laughter was sprinkled over her name, and Emma felt a tiny spark of anger in the middle of all that longing, until Audrey's hand cupped her cheek and wiped it all away, along with her tears. Those grey eyes were so close; Emma's fluttered shut just so she wouldn't have to meet them. "Are you serious-" Audrey shook Emma's elbow. "Hey, look at me, Duval." Relunctantly, Emma opened her eyes. Audrey's smile- Emma's chest suddenly felt too small for her lungs. She hadn't seen Audrey smile that soft in months, and something inside her broke at the thought. "I'm right here. Alright? ... I'm right here." 

A smile broke over Emma's face before she could even properly process the words. Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks, falling faster as Emma nodded. "You are," she said. Happiness was bubbling over into her voice, making even the nonsensical blubbering falling out of her mouth sound like a prayer. "You are. You're here." 

Audrey snorted, but she didn't stop smiling, and when Emma leaned forward- She just needed to be closer to that smile; it pulled her forward and she didn't care enough to resist -their foreheads pressed together, and stayed that way. "How did anyone ever think you were cool, you big dork?"

Emma laughed, and it sounded rusty and foreign, but she loved it. She loved it. "I have no idea." 

It was the kind of moment that was made to be reveled in, Emma thought. Audrey's husky chuckle joined her laughter, and as Emma watched the corners of Audrey's eyes crinkle with happiness, all she wanted was to stop time and enjoy it a little longer. It was so warm, and something about the way Audrey's skin skimmed across hers as they laughed felt so safe. Even the shadows that had turned every corner of the shop into a new nightmare just moments before now seemed a little lighter; Emma felt like a little girl again, when secrets were meant to be treasured, not buried. 

Her mom had a box on the mantle, and a handful of memories of being loved. Emma wanted more than just the hazy remembrance of Audrey's thumb tracing the curve of her cheek. 

But the moment died with their laughter, drawn out with breatheless giggles and the last fond glances. Emma's smile softened, and for half a second, Audrey matched it with her own. But Emma watched the self-awareness sink back into those eyes, and Audrey's mouth went tight and awkward. Emma caught the hand on her arm before it could slide away- Not yet, she thought, desperately; Don't leave me yet. 

Audrey's gaze dropped to Emma's hand, where it was clutching onto her own, fingertips slipping into the spaces left between. "I guess..." Audrey shifted, shoes squeaking on the linoleum. "I guess it all comes down with what you want. With me, I mean." 

Oh.

The irony of Emma's little promise to not have a sexuality crisis was making itself more and more apparent. 

"I-" Emma flushed. What could she even say? Did she even know the answer? Even more confusing was trying to figure out what Audrey wanted her to say- A week ago, it was too painful to even meet each others' eyes in the hallway. Emma had been with the boy she had assumed would be the great of her life, her success where her mother had failed, and Audrey... With a joy-dampening pang of guilt, Emma remembered Rachel. The sweet, sad girl who had died for some sick crusade against someone she hadn't even known. The one who had held Audrey's hand, and kissed her, and didn't have to lose all her friends to do it. The one Emma had tortured, and then let die. 

Emma let go of Audrey's hand. 

"I just want you to stay. Just stay with me, okay?" 

"I can do that," Audrey said. When she looked up, her smile was back, but- Different. Stiffer, somehow, and so crooked it twisted her lips into something that almost resembled the smirk she'd shoot her mother's retreating back after the yelling stopped. Emma wanted to press her mouth to the corner of it until Audrey remembered how to smile for her, until- Emma took a shuddering breath, plastering on a tiny grin of her own. 

None of that, now- She had promised. 

"You know, I'm getting pretty good at this comforting pretty girls thing," Audrey said, and now, at least, the humor had returned to her eyes. "There's gotta be a way to make a career out of that, if my mother's prophecies come true and webfilm is a dying art."

"There's always porn," Emma said, brightly, and Audrey laughed again. There, Emma thought, watching her smile, that's better. 

"I think we're both living testaments to the fact that porn is one industry that's going nowhere, yes," Audrey said, and her voice was just sarcastic enough to set Emma laughing, too. Somehow, sitting in the dark and joking about it was easier than facing it in the light of day. And laughing with Audrey was so much better than fighting with Will. 

"See," Emma said, when she could breathe again, "if the director thing doesn't work out, I'm sure the camera would love to see you again." She couldn't resist the eye wiggle at the end, a cheap imitation of Jake's favourite (and Brooke's least favourite) move. Emma didn't know if Audrey recognized it, but the laughter was genuine, anyway. 

"Thanks, Emma," Audrey said, when the laughter had stopped. Emma didn't ask for what, or make some stupid porn joke. The look in Audrey's eyes was too vulnerable for that. Instead, Emma just reached forward and grabbed her friend's hand in hers. 

"Thanks, Audrey," Emma said. I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Concrit is welcome, as always, and I can be found on tumblr at agentelyan. Thanks for reading~


End file.
